Healing Isn't Linear - and That's Okay

There’s a common expectation—or perhaps more accurately, a misunderstanding—whether spoken or silently held, that healing should follow a clear, straight, upward path. As if we should be able to move upwards and onwards to a place where we are no longer affected by the things that once gave us pain, and to be able to do that quickly. At least I felt that way. I recall that if I wasn't able to "move on" and feel better from a painful experience fast enough, in a certain timeframe, that something was wrong with me, that I was taking too long. But looking back now, I see that expectation for what it was: unrealistic.

The truth is, healing rarely unfolds in a linear way.

Healing is messy. It's often full of contradictions, surprises, pauses and confusion. Some days might feel clear and light, as if the sun is finally coming out and the storm is over. Other days might feel like the storm has returned stronger than ever, and that the sun will never come out again, leaving you feel heavy, uncertain and overwhelmed. You might even find yourself revisiting emotions you thought you'd already worked through—again and again.

So what does that mean? A lot of folks I work with think they're going backwards when this happens. But that's not true. It just means you're human experiencing the full spectrum of emotions that are meant to be felt.

Over the years, I’ve noticed a growing awareness around the “5 stages of grief.” More people are realizing that these stages aren’t a checklist to complete, or a ladder to climb. Yes—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance can all show up, but not in a neat order. They’re not stages—they’re states, and we can move through them many times and in many ways throughout our lives. Yes, I said it—throughout our lives. These emotions may resurface weeks, months, or even years later, depending on how deeply they impacted us. But the hope is this: each time they return, you may meet them with a little more insight, a shift in perspective, or a deeper clarity than you had before.

So, whether you're healing from some form of loss, childhood trauma, career burnout, a devastating heartbreak, a family crisis or old wounds, your path is your own and it's okay if it doesn't make sense to you sometimes. In fact, expect that it wont, and remind yourself that that's okay, normal and a part of this whole messy process.

If there’s one thing I hope you take from this, it’s this:

You’re allowed to take your time.

You're allowed to still be healing.

What matters most is that you keep showing up for yourself in quiet, steady ways—even when it’s hard.